So, I'm definitely only human. I have a habit of over reacting and saying things before my brain has had chance to go 'shhh'. This happens when I feel vulnerable; when I don't feel in control. I feel the need to be in control of every aspect of my life, of my children's lives. It must, in fact does, drive them crazy.
So, after an over reaction on my behalf, my son phoned me up. He felt I'd undermined his authority as a grown man. He was right. It's not that I've never trusted him, I've just always wanted to keep him and his loved ones safe. And when I can't, I get mad and over react. The most unhelpful reaction of all.
Watching your children grow up is an incredible thing. It's awe inspiring. Letting them go is a lot harder. I thought I had given them their wings, but at times it's obvious that I still need to keep them close. And that's not fair on them. It was a heart wrenching phone call. Not because he was mean or nasty, but because he made me realise that he has finally grown up. That I am not his protector anymore. It's taken me 26 years to get to this point.
Yes, I sobbed, not because we rowed, we didn't, but because I felt that I'd let him down. That's something I never want to do.
All this leads to me to a question; who are we once our children are grown up and have moved on? I've spent most of my adult life being a mother. I know I will always be a mother but as my son said 'you're meant to be my best friend'. So many articles tell us not to be our children's best friends; but I don't get it. My children are grown adults... Can't we be best friends now?
So, it's a conundrum. I guess it's for us to find our own way, once our children grow up. For me they are my best friends. They know me inside out. They are the only people who have truly heard my heart beat. That's beyond special.
And I need a loving reminder, on occasion, not to interfere. But if I do... It's out of pure love.
So, after an over reaction on my behalf, my son phoned me up. He felt I'd undermined his authority as a grown man. He was right. It's not that I've never trusted him, I've just always wanted to keep him and his loved ones safe. And when I can't, I get mad and over react. The most unhelpful reaction of all.
Watching your children grow up is an incredible thing. It's awe inspiring. Letting them go is a lot harder. I thought I had given them their wings, but at times it's obvious that I still need to keep them close. And that's not fair on them. It was a heart wrenching phone call. Not because he was mean or nasty, but because he made me realise that he has finally grown up. That I am not his protector anymore. It's taken me 26 years to get to this point.
Yes, I sobbed, not because we rowed, we didn't, but because I felt that I'd let him down. That's something I never want to do.
All this leads to me to a question; who are we once our children are grown up and have moved on? I've spent most of my adult life being a mother. I know I will always be a mother but as my son said 'you're meant to be my best friend'. So many articles tell us not to be our children's best friends; but I don't get it. My children are grown adults... Can't we be best friends now?
So, it's a conundrum. I guess it's for us to find our own way, once our children grow up. For me they are my best friends. They know me inside out. They are the only people who have truly heard my heart beat. That's beyond special.
And I need a loving reminder, on occasion, not to interfere. But if I do... It's out of pure love.