My grandad used to call me Little Miss Chatterbox.
I love talking to people. I genuinely want to know about them and their lives, how they are feeling. If there's anything I can do to help, then I'm happy. If not then I'll sit and listen. That's the difference between men and women; we are happy to talk through our problems and give advice, men need to fix and resolve. Sometimes it's just about listening and letting someone vent their frustrations or anxieties; their ideas or plans.
So this brings me to...
The most important key to a good family network is communication. If you can't talk to each other about your feelings how can you love and nurture each other? As a mum you pretty much know every feeling your child is going through but getting them to tell you is a different thing altogether. When my beautiful Bex used to come home from KG, like all parents I would ask her how her day had been...'fine'. When she chatted to her Grandad on the phone and he asked how she was... 'Fine'. To this day we still say 'fiiiine' as an acceptable answer! So the trick with Bex was to let her come home, relax and then throughout the course of the afternoon and evening I would hear about her day in the minutest detail. She needed time for her to absorb and categorise her day, then she had plenty to tell me. A complete chatterbox until she fell asleep. To this day she is still reticent until she's had time to either analyse her day or a given situation, then and only then will she open up.
Ben was slightly easier to get to open up as he was, and still is, more openly emotional. But again getting a teenager to talk you when they're busy on the phone, texting, social networking is a difficult thing to do. So these best way to get Ben to talk was to go out in the car. Sitting next to me with only the radio, he found it easier to chat. There were no distractions other than the radio and things happening outside. If there was anything going on, even if I was mad with him (what mum doesn't get mad with their kids?!) we would get into the car and drive. I'm not sure why this became our safe place to talk things through, but for us it worked. As I said, there were no distractions but also I think it's less threatening, you don't feel as vulnerable sitting in the car because you can't actually look at each other. I was focusing on the road ahead and Ben would be looking out of the window.
To this day I know how my children are feeling by their first hello; I've even learnt to pick up their moods on text! For us, because we all live in different countries, texting is a very important part of our daily lives. I have a daily chat throughout the day with my Beautiful Bex. We have a running commentary about our day, which starts at my lunchtime as I'm 3-4 hours ahead depending on the clocks. With Ben it's not as routine but generally we chat at either end of our days. He's generally about 9 hours behind me, so he's getting up as I'm going to sleep. It's all very back to front. What this means, though, is that I basically chat to my children all day, throughout the day. It's great. I love it!
The best bit, though, is our group chat. Either they are waking me up in the middle of the night or Ben and I are waking up Bex. Timing group chat is not the easiest thing but I can't not join in. It's normally hilarious joining in their chats and I'm on the tail end so I have to read back before I can attempt to join in. There are many times when they are actually talking about me too!! Haha. Now my lovely hubby was a bit put out that he wasn't part of the group chat so I set up a new one involving him. He loved it, thoroughly enjoyed being part of the chat until one evening.... He had left his phone in the kitchen and by the time he went to check on his messages there were 136 texts in the group chat!!! So, we are back to our threesome chats.. And it's great.
And don't get me onto our individual phone bills...
Text is great but nothing beats an actual proper full on chat. Ben calls me at least twice a week, sometimes twice a day, and when he's off tour we talk nearly everyday. He wakes up, gets his morning coffee and calls. I love it. Everyone knows when he's on the phone to me, I guess they can recognise a change in his tone. And I'm blessed with a daughter-in-law who encourages our closeness and isn't threatened by it. But he won't FaceTime!! So FaceTime is something I do with Bex. We FaceTime probably once a week but I call her twice a week also. Sometimes it's just nicer and easier to talk rather than text. She's very good at the 'call now, please' texts!!
But the most important text for me is my goodnight text. I never go to bed without texting them both, saying 'good night, I love you'. Such a simple thing to do and not done enough in many families. I had a friend who was having a tough time with her son, so after a talk with her about it all I asked when was the last time she had sent a simple text saying that she loved him? She hadn't, it wasn't something they did. I suggested she sent him a text there and then, which she did. And unsurprisingly he text straight back saying that he loved her too.
Three simple words that are used too much but not enough. A hug and a kiss aren't always possible, but telling someone you love them is easy in this day and age.
Try it. Make it part of your daily routine to tell your children, your parents, your friends that you love them. It's wonderful. You will get all that love right back.
So..... I LOVE YOU
I love talking to people. I genuinely want to know about them and their lives, how they are feeling. If there's anything I can do to help, then I'm happy. If not then I'll sit and listen. That's the difference between men and women; we are happy to talk through our problems and give advice, men need to fix and resolve. Sometimes it's just about listening and letting someone vent their frustrations or anxieties; their ideas or plans.
So this brings me to...
The most important key to a good family network is communication. If you can't talk to each other about your feelings how can you love and nurture each other? As a mum you pretty much know every feeling your child is going through but getting them to tell you is a different thing altogether. When my beautiful Bex used to come home from KG, like all parents I would ask her how her day had been...'fine'. When she chatted to her Grandad on the phone and he asked how she was... 'Fine'. To this day we still say 'fiiiine' as an acceptable answer! So the trick with Bex was to let her come home, relax and then throughout the course of the afternoon and evening I would hear about her day in the minutest detail. She needed time for her to absorb and categorise her day, then she had plenty to tell me. A complete chatterbox until she fell asleep. To this day she is still reticent until she's had time to either analyse her day or a given situation, then and only then will she open up.
Ben was slightly easier to get to open up as he was, and still is, more openly emotional. But again getting a teenager to talk you when they're busy on the phone, texting, social networking is a difficult thing to do. So these best way to get Ben to talk was to go out in the car. Sitting next to me with only the radio, he found it easier to chat. There were no distractions other than the radio and things happening outside. If there was anything going on, even if I was mad with him (what mum doesn't get mad with their kids?!) we would get into the car and drive. I'm not sure why this became our safe place to talk things through, but for us it worked. As I said, there were no distractions but also I think it's less threatening, you don't feel as vulnerable sitting in the car because you can't actually look at each other. I was focusing on the road ahead and Ben would be looking out of the window.
To this day I know how my children are feeling by their first hello; I've even learnt to pick up their moods on text! For us, because we all live in different countries, texting is a very important part of our daily lives. I have a daily chat throughout the day with my Beautiful Bex. We have a running commentary about our day, which starts at my lunchtime as I'm 3-4 hours ahead depending on the clocks. With Ben it's not as routine but generally we chat at either end of our days. He's generally about 9 hours behind me, so he's getting up as I'm going to sleep. It's all very back to front. What this means, though, is that I basically chat to my children all day, throughout the day. It's great. I love it!
The best bit, though, is our group chat. Either they are waking me up in the middle of the night or Ben and I are waking up Bex. Timing group chat is not the easiest thing but I can't not join in. It's normally hilarious joining in their chats and I'm on the tail end so I have to read back before I can attempt to join in. There are many times when they are actually talking about me too!! Haha. Now my lovely hubby was a bit put out that he wasn't part of the group chat so I set up a new one involving him. He loved it, thoroughly enjoyed being part of the chat until one evening.... He had left his phone in the kitchen and by the time he went to check on his messages there were 136 texts in the group chat!!! So, we are back to our threesome chats.. And it's great.
And don't get me onto our individual phone bills...
Text is great but nothing beats an actual proper full on chat. Ben calls me at least twice a week, sometimes twice a day, and when he's off tour we talk nearly everyday. He wakes up, gets his morning coffee and calls. I love it. Everyone knows when he's on the phone to me, I guess they can recognise a change in his tone. And I'm blessed with a daughter-in-law who encourages our closeness and isn't threatened by it. But he won't FaceTime!! So FaceTime is something I do with Bex. We FaceTime probably once a week but I call her twice a week also. Sometimes it's just nicer and easier to talk rather than text. She's very good at the 'call now, please' texts!!
But the most important text for me is my goodnight text. I never go to bed without texting them both, saying 'good night, I love you'. Such a simple thing to do and not done enough in many families. I had a friend who was having a tough time with her son, so after a talk with her about it all I asked when was the last time she had sent a simple text saying that she loved him? She hadn't, it wasn't something they did. I suggested she sent him a text there and then, which she did. And unsurprisingly he text straight back saying that he loved her too.
Three simple words that are used too much but not enough. A hug and a kiss aren't always possible, but telling someone you love them is easy in this day and age.
Try it. Make it part of your daily routine to tell your children, your parents, your friends that you love them. It's wonderful. You will get all that love right back.
So..... I LOVE YOU