This is not a blog berating my sister, it's about having to let go of someone who is hurting you and has moved on already.
I had a sister, I don't anymore. I chose to walk away from her. She was too angry at life and I was her battering ram. The final straw was when she told me that she didn't care I'd had cancer and I'd made a fuss over nothing. She couldn't possibly know if I'd made a fuss or not because she never got in touch with me.
We've both been through very similar bad times in our lives but whereas I chose to see the good in life, she has become very dark and bitter. It's quite simple, she hates me and mine. Whether she believes it or not, I spent ten years trying to maintain our friendship and to help her but there's only so many times you can be knocked back and ignored.
As I said though this isn't about her, it's about learning your own self worth.
It was a long slow progress getting to the point where I walked away but I had to. The pain was indescribable and I needed to rescue myself from such a black relationship. I would cry on a daily basis, even when dad was alive I'd talk to him about it. We would arrange family dinners when I flew home in the summer and she would call that day with an excuse not to come. I would text her every day and she wouldn't reply. I understand that she was going through a hard time but you cannot let the bad things define you. We are better than that. If you feed negativity you will cause more negativity to litter your life. Your life will be sad and lonely. Eventually I realised that I was wasting my words and emotions on her, that silence was more powerful for me. We lost the art of communication and it became easier for me to stay silent because I couldn't put into words the hurt that was in my heart. I couldn't control her behaviour or how she acted, but I could control mine; I didn't want to be disrespected or mistreated by someone who should have been my best friend.
I have forgiven her though. I'm not condoning her behaviour but by forgiving her she cannot destruct my heart anymore. It's that simple, she overstepped my boundaries once too often. Now she needs to find her own inner peace and heal. I wish her luck and happiness.
You see, all of us at some point in our lives will meet pain and suffering. We will find ourselves hitting rock bottom and it's there that we have two choices in life; to stay down there, curled up and hurting, or to stand up, brush off the dust and grime, and start to climb back up. Every step is a step in the right direction. You're not going to jump up and bounce back to where you were, or even back to being the exact same person. You will find yourself in a better stage of your life. It's one of our many learning curves in life. I truly believe that our hardships make us better human beings. We will use our experiences to make us appreciate life. To be more sensitive towards others and their own battles. We might not have fought the same battle but we will have fought our own, so we know their struggle. Hopefully we will find ourselves being more compassionate and gentle, showing others love rather than hate. And if you can't do that, then look inside and find that side of you; it is there hiding behind the fear of being hurt and let down again.
We start each day afresh. A new day. A new beginning. Tomorrow has gone and time travel hasn't been invented yet for us to go back and redo any given day or situation, so instead of waking up mad and with regrets, wake up deciding that today will be better. It might only be one small thing but look for it. There will be a positive in each day.
After my dad died I started a gratitude journal. Every night before I went to sleep I would write down the things that had made me happy that day. It made me focus on the good rather than the pain of losing my dad. I did this every day for about a year. Now, I thank the universe before I go to sleep. I'm not religious but I am spiritual and I believe in the power of putting positive thoughts out into the universe. It sounds a bit crazy I'm sure, but it works for me!
One of the simplest things to do is to write a list of the 100 things that make you happy. It truly makes you focus on how blessed your life is, even during the bleak times. There are things to be happy about. Think about it, write your list. I believe that we are all beautiful. This means to be you, to be yourself. It's important to accept yourself. The world would be very boring if we were all clones. It's ok not to fit in. Infact, to me that's the only way to be. A little bit odd, a bit weird. Different enough that I'm allowed to be me. Embrace yourself and love your flaws.
Remember though that some days will be horrible and no good, they will be bad days. It's how you move on from them that counts, that makes you who you are. So choose to smile, even on a bad day. It will make you feel better. Your inner light and happiness will shine out of your face and radiate onto others. They will, in turn take that piece of your sparkle home with them and you just might become their good thing in a bad day.
I had a sister, I don't anymore. I chose to walk away from her. She was too angry at life and I was her battering ram. The final straw was when she told me that she didn't care I'd had cancer and I'd made a fuss over nothing. She couldn't possibly know if I'd made a fuss or not because she never got in touch with me.
We've both been through very similar bad times in our lives but whereas I chose to see the good in life, she has become very dark and bitter. It's quite simple, she hates me and mine. Whether she believes it or not, I spent ten years trying to maintain our friendship and to help her but there's only so many times you can be knocked back and ignored.
As I said though this isn't about her, it's about learning your own self worth.
It was a long slow progress getting to the point where I walked away but I had to. The pain was indescribable and I needed to rescue myself from such a black relationship. I would cry on a daily basis, even when dad was alive I'd talk to him about it. We would arrange family dinners when I flew home in the summer and she would call that day with an excuse not to come. I would text her every day and she wouldn't reply. I understand that she was going through a hard time but you cannot let the bad things define you. We are better than that. If you feed negativity you will cause more negativity to litter your life. Your life will be sad and lonely. Eventually I realised that I was wasting my words and emotions on her, that silence was more powerful for me. We lost the art of communication and it became easier for me to stay silent because I couldn't put into words the hurt that was in my heart. I couldn't control her behaviour or how she acted, but I could control mine; I didn't want to be disrespected or mistreated by someone who should have been my best friend.
I have forgiven her though. I'm not condoning her behaviour but by forgiving her she cannot destruct my heart anymore. It's that simple, she overstepped my boundaries once too often. Now she needs to find her own inner peace and heal. I wish her luck and happiness.
You see, all of us at some point in our lives will meet pain and suffering. We will find ourselves hitting rock bottom and it's there that we have two choices in life; to stay down there, curled up and hurting, or to stand up, brush off the dust and grime, and start to climb back up. Every step is a step in the right direction. You're not going to jump up and bounce back to where you were, or even back to being the exact same person. You will find yourself in a better stage of your life. It's one of our many learning curves in life. I truly believe that our hardships make us better human beings. We will use our experiences to make us appreciate life. To be more sensitive towards others and their own battles. We might not have fought the same battle but we will have fought our own, so we know their struggle. Hopefully we will find ourselves being more compassionate and gentle, showing others love rather than hate. And if you can't do that, then look inside and find that side of you; it is there hiding behind the fear of being hurt and let down again.
We start each day afresh. A new day. A new beginning. Tomorrow has gone and time travel hasn't been invented yet for us to go back and redo any given day or situation, so instead of waking up mad and with regrets, wake up deciding that today will be better. It might only be one small thing but look for it. There will be a positive in each day.
After my dad died I started a gratitude journal. Every night before I went to sleep I would write down the things that had made me happy that day. It made me focus on the good rather than the pain of losing my dad. I did this every day for about a year. Now, I thank the universe before I go to sleep. I'm not religious but I am spiritual and I believe in the power of putting positive thoughts out into the universe. It sounds a bit crazy I'm sure, but it works for me!
One of the simplest things to do is to write a list of the 100 things that make you happy. It truly makes you focus on how blessed your life is, even during the bleak times. There are things to be happy about. Think about it, write your list. I believe that we are all beautiful. This means to be you, to be yourself. It's important to accept yourself. The world would be very boring if we were all clones. It's ok not to fit in. Infact, to me that's the only way to be. A little bit odd, a bit weird. Different enough that I'm allowed to be me. Embrace yourself and love your flaws.
Remember though that some days will be horrible and no good, they will be bad days. It's how you move on from them that counts, that makes you who you are. So choose to smile, even on a bad day. It will make you feel better. Your inner light and happiness will shine out of your face and radiate onto others. They will, in turn take that piece of your sparkle home with them and you just might become their good thing in a bad day.