This completely put me out of sync for the whole day and night. Really stupid as it was my own fault for being too emotional and letting it upset me. It was her opinion that she is quite rightly entitled to; maybe she was having a bad day. I don't know, but I took her comment too personally and didn't ask myself if there was anything going on in her life. (Or maybe it's as simple as she finds my blogs flippant and unnecessary).
So again I'm going to remind myself that we all need to be kinder to one another. We only have one life, let's use it kindly, with good grace, compassion and humour. I've mentioned the phrase 'pay it forward' many times. When Ben and Bex were about 8 and 10 we hired the video Pay it Forward with Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt and Haley Joel Osment. Have you ever seen this film? It's incredibly heart warming, moving and sad. A young boy attempts to make the world a better place after his teacher gives him an opportunity. The concept is that if someone does you a good deed, instead of you paying them back, you pay it forward and do a good deed for someone else, and they then pay it forward too.
I love the whole idea because we shouldn't be doing or even saying something just in the hope that we will get something back in return. We should be helping others out of the goodness of our hearts because at that time in their life they need the help, no matter how insignificant it might seem to us. The idea has become a very important philosophy in my life; it was always there before but this one film put it into a visual persona for me rather than just something I believed in. It was easier to teach Ben and Bex this concept by watching the film rather than me just telling them. It actually showed them how to do it, how the idea worked. In fact we watched the film twice in the same evening. The only other film I can remember doing that with is 'I Am Sam'.
This is another incredible film starring Sean Penn, Michelle Pfeiffer and Dakota Fanning. In this film a mentally handicapped man fights for custody of his young daughter and in the process teaches his cold hearted lawyer the value and power of family and love. Another heartwarming film with incredible values attached to it. A fantastic way for Ben and Bex to look into another world and absorb right from wrong, love from hate.
Both these films are worth watching again and again; to be honest now I've talked about them I need to watch them again although I know they both make me cry. Tissues at the ready.
In a world where so many people seem to be too busy to look outside their own lives I think these visual reminders should be shown to our children. You know what it's like, if an adult is talking to you about this it can seem like nagging but hearing about it from an outside source is much easier to take in, to listen to. Mum gets boring, she nags.. 'Yeh,yeh, yeh. Whatever, mum. I knowwww.' And they do know. It's part of their everyday life; looking after each other, their friends. Helping someone with their homework, scraping them off the floor after they fell off a bike. We should instill this caring as part of our family values but when it's right under your nose it's not always so obvious. By watching these films we make the concepts available to our children.
We need to simplify our lives again. I'm guilty of spending too much time on social network sites. I think most of us are. It's easy companionship but it makes us forget to look around, to look at the world and other people. We forget to absorb the moment because we actually missed it. During the London Olympics there was a huge increase in people volunteering. It was necessary to help the games run smoothly, but what they found afterwards was that people had enjoyed volunteering, had enjoyed putting something back into their community. So how about we start obligatory voluntary work in our schools. That our older students need to volunteer in a place where they can not only learn about others but also pay it forward to the people that need it. This would then go towards an overall grade showing their commitment to others and their environment. Perhaps people should also do voluntary work if they are unable to find work. I'm not saying let them decide if they want to volunteer but to actually claim a benefits cheque then a weekly report of their work, commitment and hours put in will depend on how much they get of their cheque. It seems sad that it needs to be enforced but too many people take too many things for granted. We need to start teaching our children the gift of paying it forward at a young enough age where they actually want to do it and will therefore naturally carry on their good deeds as they grow older; that it will a normal part of their lives to put something back into a community where they themselves take so much.
I will practice what I preach. I'm looking forward to doing voluntary work when I return home. I know that even a few hours each week will help my new community, wherever I move to. Come on, let's all make that commitment, not only for ourselves but for future generations.
It's the only way, PAY IT FORWARD.